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(AP) ANN ARBOR, MICHIGAN - The University of Michigan’s Board of Trustees announced they are changing the school’s legendary mascot. In a prepared statement, Mr. Biolchini, a newly appointed spokesperson for the Trustees read from a prepared statement.
“The NCAA asked us to look into the [mascot] question, and we have. After careful study, we determined the term 'Wolverine’ is inflammatory to nature lovers, especially those in northern Michigan, Wisconsin, and Minnesota. It has always been our belief that Wolverines are a noble species. It was never our intention to make light or demean this order of mammal.
"After consulting with students, faculty, members of the community, and environmentalists, we determined the Cicada is more befitting our University. Just like our football team, the Cicada goes dormant for years before emerging in all its glory. When it does come out, it is loud and obnoxious. The Cicada looks mean and ugly, but it is really quite easy to kill.”
Mr. Biolchini did not take any questions from the stunned pressroom. He could not be reached for comment.
