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Reasons It's Great to Be a Guy

  1. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
  2. You know stuff about tanks.
  3. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
  4. You can open all your own jars.
  5. When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall on every shot of someone crying.
  6. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
  7. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
  8. You can go to the bathroom with out a support group.
  9. You can kill your own food.
  10. The garage is all yours.
  11. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
  12. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
  13. The National College Cheerleading Championships
  14. If you're 31 and single nobody notices.
  15. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
  16. Flowers fix everything.
  17. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
  18. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
  19. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
  20. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
  21. The world is your urinal.
  22. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
  23. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
  24. One mood, all the time
  25. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
  26. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
  27. Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
  28. You don't have to learn to spell a new last name
  29. You can leave the motel bed unmade.
  30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
  31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be friends.
  32. Your underwear is $10 a three-pack.
  33. Everything on your face stays its original color.
  34. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
  35. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
  36. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.
  37. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
  38. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without thinking, "He must be mad at me."
  39. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
  40. Wedding dress - $2,000. Tuxedo rental - 75 bucks.
  41. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
  42. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
  43. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
  44. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
  45. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
  46. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
  47. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
  48. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives on December 24th in 45 minutes.
  49. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
  50. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
  51. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
  52. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
  53. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
  54. The remote is yours and yours alone.
  55. People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
  56. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
  57. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
  58. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
  59. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
  60. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
  61. There is always a game on somewhere.
  62. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
  63. You think the idea of punting a small cat is funny.
  64. If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
  65. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
  66. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"
  67. Baywatch
  68. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.