“Forgive or Else!” – Matt 18:21-35 – September 14, 2008

In the very first community where I served as a pastor there were two churches of the same denomination only two blocks apart. One church had been there over 150 years. The other had been built in the last 20 years. I didn’t know all the dynamics of the two churches but it was obvious form the beginning that they didn’t get along. Many of the families were related but there was never any sign of cooperation or combined ministry.

One day the subject came up about the history of the two congregations. I learned that the newer one was created because folks in the old church refused to change. They struggled with power struggles and turf issues. As a result some young families and newer members literally went down the road and built a new church. One lady, whose family were members of the old church for over a 100 years, told me that she would never step foot in the other church. She wouldn’t even attend a wedding or a funeral there. She simply could not forgive the folks, including some of her own relatives, who left the old church and started a new one.

You could tell this lady was filled with anger and resentment. But, her unwillingness to forgive these folks for starting a new congregation caused her to remain estranged from neighbors and even family members. She was so steamed about the situation that it made her angry just to talk about it. She went to her grave, never willing to forgive the folks who started a new church down the road.

Recently I contacted the pastor at my former church and discovered that the two churches are now being served by the same minister, a woman pastor who is a seminary student. And, ironically, this fall they are going to combine. It seems that the older church is going to be closed due to “accessibility” issues. The lady would probably turn over in her grave if she knew that the two churches will now become one.

Isn’t it sad that there are those who are unwilling to forgive only to discover that life evolves in spite of their stubbornness? Had the lady been willing to forgive it is likely that the two churches could have reunited years ago which would have brought peace and harmony to that community.

Peter was willing to forgive. However, Peter wanted to put a limit on forgiveness. In other words, his forgiveness was conditional. Jesus wanted Peter and the others to understand that “true” forgiveness opens our lives to the unlimited realm of God’s kingdom and has no limits. “How often should I forgive?” Peter asked. “Not seven times but seventy times seven,” Jesus replied. What Jesus meant by that is that we are not to keep track. In other words, forgiveness is to be unlimited.

Once upon a time there was a young man who denounced his parents and left home. He wanted nothing to do with his family. Years later, he felt led to return home and visit his parents. He wrote a letter to his mother, begging for her forgiveness. He asked that if she would welcome him back home to hang a white handkerchief on the clothesline in the backyard. The train passed near the rear of their house and he said that if the handkerchief was there as he passed by, he would know he was forgiven and could return home.

As he passed by the house on the train, to his amazement, there was no white handkerchief on the line. Instead, there were a number of white sheets flapping in the breeze. The man learned that his parents had forgiven him seventy times seven.

In the story the servant had a huge debt but was forgiven by the king when he cried for mercy. “Have patience with me and I will pay back everything I owe,” he cried. The king then forgave his debt. But, that same servant was unwilling to forgive someone who owed him money. To him he showed no mercy and had him thrown in prison.

Unfortunately the chain of forgiveness had been broken. Others cried foul and reported to the king what had taken place. When the king heard what had happened he was angered and had the servant thrown in prison and had him tortured. Since the servant had been unwilling to forgive, the king withdrew the forgiveness that he had given. Then there was social chaos. No one had been shown mercy.

When we are unwilling to forgive many lives are adversely affected. This is not what God expects of us. God expects God’s disciples to forgive unconditionally because a spirit of forgiveness creates peace and harmony throughout society, in families, in neighborhoods and even in churches. “Forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors,” Jesus taught. On the one hand we ask God to forgive us, and on the other hand we offer forgiveness to others.”

The servant received an opportunity to be free. But, his unwillingness to show mercy to anther resulted in his imprisonment. To receive mercy is to give mercy.

A young man borrowed the family car without permission, knowing he could have it home and safely in the garage before his father found out. He hadn't reckoned on getting rear-ended at the second intersection he came to. No way to conceal the damage, he parked the car and closed the garage door, then spent an evening agonizing over how to deal with his father when he arrived home. When his dad walked in, the young man flashed a look of terror.

He told his father everything, complete with a profuse apology. His father walked with the son to the garage and looked long and hard and silently at the damage. Then he said, "Insurance will cover it. It wouldn't have covered the broken trust between you and me, however. Fortunately your apology took care of that."
"Can you ever forgive me, Dad?"

"I have already."

"You have learned your lesson. Forget about it."

A week later the son, still guilt-driven, came to his father and said, "Dad, in case they raise our insurance rates because of the accident, I'm willing to earn the money to pay the difference in the premiums."
His father didn't even look up from his newspaper as he said, simply, "What accident?"

“How often should I forgive?” Peter asked. “Seventy times seven,” Jesus said.

I believe that the reason it is so difficult for us to forgive others is that we have not truly experienced God’s forgiveness for us. While others may not, God does.

Recently I met a young woman who lived with guilt and shame for over twenty years. When she was a child she was playing with her younger sister on the top bed of bunk beds. The younger sister fell off the bed and her head hit a table below. She didn’t seem seriously ill except for a headache. Her mother gave her an aspirin and sent her to bed. A few days later the younger sister was totally paralyzed. She remained that way the rest of her life.

My friend’s mother and her entire family blamed her for the accident and no one would forgive her. She was tormented with feelings of guilt until her mother finally forgave her, twenty years later. It helped, but nothing could undue those twenty years of living without being forgiven for what had happened.

God doesn’t hold back on forgiveness. Nor do we have to wait. God’s forgiveness is available to us in this very moment.

Dr. Keith Wagner, St. Paul’s United Church of Christ, Sidney, Ohio