"Getting Along With Others" - Eph. 4:1-3, 17-32 - August 10, 2003

When I was in elementary school they used to have a category on our report card that read, "Gets along with others." You either got "S" for satisfactory or "U" for unsatisfactory. I recall getting only "S’s" and would have been horrified to have gotten a "U." That would have been terribly embarrassing.

In Paul’s letter to the Church at Ephesus, he gave them a big "U" for their relationships with one another. Unfortunately the young church was selfish, uncaring, unforgiving and impatient. Although they were going through the motions of being a church, their actions did not show it. In order to receive an "S’ and be a faithful church that embodied the life of Christ, they needed to get along with others. Paul therefore confronted them and reminded them of their beginning. In fact, he begged them to change.

The first thing Paul did was remind them of their call. "Lead a life worthy of your calling," he said. In other words, you don’t just wander into the life of the church, you are invited, welcomed or born. Paul wanted them to remember how they got there. It wasn’t accidental. They were all chosen.

Secondly, Paul outlined the characteristics of those who follow Christ. Those that stand out for me are: (1) patience, (2) kindness, (3) forgiveness and (4) truthfulness. It all seems fairly basic but we need to hear them now and then to remind us of the areas in our lives that are harmful to our relationships with others.

Just why would a teacher give a student a "U" in the category getting along with others? If you’ve ever observed small children you notice immediately whether or not they are willing to share.

I don’t mean just sharing things or stuff. I mean sharing ourselves. We get along well with others when we are willing to share our gifts and talents. In chapter 4 Paul includes a section that describes various gifts and individual talents. I believe we live in a world that has forgotten how to share. It’s all about surviving, getting instead of giving. It’s all about me and my needs. Let us not be naïve, we live in a society where greed seems to be the order of the day.

That unsatisfactory mark could also come from the lack of patience and tolerance for people who are different from ourselves. Lets be honest, we are control freaks. We don’t like to be caught off guard. We are reluctant to give other people authority. We would rather do it ourselves than work with others. We are in a hurry and we don’t like to wait.

After losing by just one vote in the 1993 mayoral election in Hickory, Mississippi, Charlie Lewis retired to Michigan. He was 72 years old. He believed his election challenge was unlikely to succeed in the courts, and so he decided to enjoy the quiet life. Then came an unexpected phone call. He was asked to return at once to Mississippi at the urging of his attorney. The state’s supreme court has thrown out three absentee ballots cast for the incumbent mayor, wiping out his one-vote victory.

Charlie had just about forgotten all about the race especially since two years had now passed. He returned to his hometown and the opportunity to serve as mayor. Charlie Lewis became the first black mayor of the tiny town of 500 people in East Mississippi. (from God’s Little Lessons on Life for Dad, Honor Books)

But more "U’s" probably come from our unwillingness to forgive than any other source. By withholding forgiveness we live under the illusion that we have the upper hand. It is our way of staying in control or maintaining power over another person. In reality, holding a grudge only imprisons us rather than liberating us.

Meredith was surprised to find a letter in her mailbox from her brother Tim. It had been three years since she had spoken to him although they lived in the same town. In the letter Tim told her that he and his wife were expecting twins and he hoped she would come and visit them as soon as the babies were born. He expressed his sorrow that they had not communicated more and apologized for whatever it was he had done to cause them to become estranged.

Meredith’s initial reaction was one of anger. She wasn’t sure where it came from. She immediately sat down and wrote Tim a 5-page letter detailing all the things Tim had ever done to hurt her. After rereading the letter, however she was horrified at her words. They were full of anger and pain. Suddenly, tears of forgiveness filled her eyes. Perhaps it wasn’t all Tim’s fault.

So often we harbor feelings of hurt and pain until something comes along to expose it. When we forgive we are able to release those hurts and move forward. (from God’s Little Lessons on Life for Women, Honor Books.)

Finally, Paul challenges his listeners to change; "Put off your old nature which belongs to your former manner of life and put on the new nature, created after the likeness of God." This of course is easier said then done. It’s difficult to change, erase old habits and live with new paradigms.

But Paul does more than just challenge his followers to change. With that challenge comes the words, "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, with all malice and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."

In other words, the new nature will appear when unkind words cease from our lips, negative emotional outbursts are contained, and all our actions are for the benefit of others rather than ourselves.

In Chicken Soup for the Teacher’s Soul, Rich Kornoelje tells the story about one of his students. Rich was the assistant principal at a very large public high school. One of his duties was to supervise the lunch room making sure students were diligent in picking up their lunch trays and not leaving any messes.

One day, prior to vacation, the students were fairly wound up. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed a student spill milk. What a mess. It was all down the front of him, on the table and the floor. He watched to see what he would do. He was sure he would escape the cafeteria without cleaning up the mess. He vowed to punish him by making him clean up everyone else’s mess for the day.

To his surprise the student returned to the snack bar and gathered up several napkins. He then returned to his table and cleaned up the mess. He even got on his hands and knees and cleaned the milk from the floor. After regaining his composure, Rich followed the young man out of the cafeteria. He caught up with him and thanked him for his cooperation. "No problem," the young man said.

Later Rich discovered who the student was and decided to contact the young man’s parents. Normally his calls to parents were about their misdeeds. The boy’s mother answered and he said, "Your son showed me something today that really demonstrated some good upbringing." He then went on to relay the rest of the story. At the other end of the phone line Rich heard sobbing and sniffling. Finally his mother replied, "You will never in your entire lifetime realize what your phone call has meant to me. My husband left me several years ago and I have tried to raise my son alone. He behaves at home but I never know how he does in public. Your phone call has meant everything to me."

Rich had put on the new nature. His single phone call became a life-changing experience. From then on he tried to make more positive calls to parents.

Dr. Keith Wagner, St. Paul’s Uited Church of Christ, Sidney, Ohio