"Jesus Changes the Rules" - John 13:31-35 - May 9, 2004

My mother has four sons. My older brother says that he had to pave the way for the rest of us. He sometimes complains that Mom was harder on him since he was the one who had to break her in. When he graduated from college he finally got his first car. But, I received my first car during my college years. My brother said that wasn’t fair. I guess Mom changed the rules.

Somebody has to make the rules in the family and in most of the families I know it is the moms. Its not easy, however since moms have to balance their time between all of their children and their husbands as well. Frankly, I don’t know how they do it. But make no mistake, when it comes to rules, moms rule!

There are no moms in our story today but there are indeed many female disciples. In fact, if you look at the "Last Supper," painted by Leonardo da Vinci, you will see that one of the twelve appears to be a woman, the one sitting to the left of Jesus. This story in John takes place during the last supper. Judas, who had just betrayed Jesus, had left the gathering. It is at this point where Jesus changed the rules. "I give you a new commandment, that you love one another."

Love is not always easy. It wasn’t easy for the disciples. They had just witnessed the betrayal of Judas. Now, Jesus was telling them to love one another. It must have been troubling for them. There was tension in the group and at times competition. But, Jesus was leaving soon and this was the best opportunity to give them a final word.

The love that Jesus was talking about had to do with love within the faith community. His commandment to the disciples was "in house." The disciples love for one another was to be exemplary, a model for outsiders to see. Tension and conflict among them would damage the church. It is actually more difficult to love those we know than strangers. Why? Because, those we know well we relate to on a daily basis. In the faith community our lives are intertwined because we have spent many of our life experiences together. We have to remember, however that outsiders are watching. They will want to be a part of us when they see us treating one another with respect, trust and unconditional love. It won’t always be easy, but its what Jesus expects.

I believe Jesus is saying three things about love. First, he is saying that love is not an option. "It is commanded." Loving others is not something we are to do when we feel like it or when it is convenient. Our love for each other is expected, even when it is painful.

My mother tells the story about the time my older brother graduated from college. The very next fall, my youngest brother started kindergarten. Mom says that when she watched her youngest son get on the bus that day she just stood there and cried, not because she would miss him, but because she had another 12 years of PTA meetings, parent-teacher conferences, school activities, etc. But, loving him like she loved the rest of us was no option. She was his mother too. In that moment it just seemed overwhelming. Love is not an option.

Today, we have many options. In our daily lives we encounter a myriad of alternatives. Jesus is saying that our love for those in the faith community takes precedence over all others. I know that many of our young families are constantly challenged to make decisions when it comes to the activities of their children. There are times when dance lessons, little league or school events conflict with the church. This means they have to make some difficult choices.

In high school my son had a job bagging groceries. A few months into the job his supervisor wanted him to work Sunday evenings. At the time my son was involved in the Church’s youth group which met on Sunday evenings. He was caught in a double bind. On the one hand he needed the job for his personal expenses. On the other hand, he enjoyed being with other youth in his church. I gave him the freedom to choose and if he decided to quit the job I would be okay with his decision. It turns out that he quit the bagging job. A few weeks later he found another job, working for J.C. Penny’s. The store was closed Sunday evenings and my son was free to go to his youth meetings. He opted to choose the church. although he was out of work a few weeks, he was able to make the transition and eventually find a job that was more suited to his personal needs.

Secondly, Jesus tells us to "love as he has loved us." Remember the context in which Jesus is saying these words. His commandment to love followed the betrayal of Judas. Therefore, the love that Jesus commanded could be interpreted as the opposite of betrayal. Betrayal has to do with disloyalty, rejection and disassociation. Judas made the choice to separate himself from the faith community. In other words, he chose not to love.

The opposite of betrayal is a love that is authentic and unconditional. Jesus’ love for us is a love of grace. He gave away his life for us. His love is a gift, not something that we can earn or where strings are attached. He loves everyone of us.

One of our daughters moved to Maine a few years ago. Now that she lives so far away it is difficult for her to come home at Christmas time. Traveling in December can be a challenge, especially in the Northeast. I know that her absence from our family gatherings has been painful for my wife. But, she has never once tried to make our daughter feel guilty or criticize her in any way for staying home at Christmas. She continues to love her in spite of their separation. Her love is a love of grace.

Third, the love Jesus commanded is an infinite resource. Love is not something we have to stock up on, like buying groceries at the grocery store. The ability to love is within all of us. It is about choosing to share what we have already been given.

An ethics professor at Princeton Seminary asked for volunteers for an extra assignment. Fifteen students showed up. He divided the group of fifteen into three groups of five each. He instructed the first group of five to proceed immediately across the campus to a certain spot; if they did not get there in fifteen minutes their grade would be affected. A minute or two later he instructed the second group to also proceed across the campus to the same spot; but they were given forty-five minutes to get there. After they left he instructed the last group to go across the campus to that spot too; but they were given three hours for the trip.

Now, unknown to any of these students, the teacher had arranged with three students from the Drama Department to meet them along the way, acting as people in great need: the first one they met covered his head with his hands and moaned out loud as though in great pain; the second, a little bit further along the way, was on some steps lying face down as if unconscious; the third, on the very steps of the destination, acted out an epileptic seizure. You know what the ethics professor discovered? Not one of the first group stopped, two of the second group stopped, and all five of the third group stopped.

What the experiment tells us is that when we are too busy, with tight schedules and impossible deadlines, there is no time for love. (from Rev. Adrian Dieleman, "Love One Another," August 2, 1998, Deaconsil) Are we too busy to love? Is our love for others a matter of convenience? Do we only love a select few?

According to Jesus love is not an option, love is unconditional and love is never ending. "This is my commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you should also love one another."

Dr. Keith Wagner, St. Paul’s United Church of Christ, Sidney, Ohio