"Love Is Never Easy" - I Cor. 13:1-13 - February 1, 2004

There was an old man who carried a little can of oil with him everywhere he went, and if he passed through a door that squeaked, he put oil on the hinges. If a gate was hard to open, he oiled the latch. So he passed through life lubricating all the creaking places, making it easier for those who came after him. People called him eccentric, strange, cranky, odd and even harsher names. But the old man went steadily on, refilling his can of oil when it became empty and oiling the squeaking places he found. There are many lives that crack and squeak and grate harshly day by day. They need lubricating with the oil of kindness, gentleness or thoughtfulness. The old man’s oil was like the love of God that soothes our pain, heals our wounds and lubricates those places where we are in need of help.

It’s certainly no mystery that love is the essence of faith. God is love. Jesus is love. To be followers of Christ is to love one another. Love is the major theme of the Bible, the foundation of what it means to be a Christian. We hear it again and again. We study about it. We are constantly reminded of love at weddings, funerals and through countless sermons. We know in our hearts that love is the only way. Love works. Love heals. Love forgives. Love "never ends."

But, if all that is true, then why is it so difficult for us to love and be loved?

First of all, people hurt us. There are times when the people we love the most, those closest to us, cause us pain, sometimes emotional and sometimes physical. When we are abused by those we care about our faith becomes shattered and we find it difficult to continue to love them in the same way we loved them in the past.

Several years ago a woman came to see me for counseling. She said she was having marital problems and wanted some help. During the session I noticed she had some bruises on her arms. At first she made up a story that she had fallen down. She finally confided in me that she had been shoved against the wall by her husband. Following our session I referred her to the woman’s shelter in our county who deal with domestic violence. Her husband was arrested and spent some time in jail. He was probated into anger management counseling. I later learned that the woman returned to her husband. I never heard from her again and I have often wondered if the two are still together.

In the love chapter we hear these words; "If I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing." I interpret that to mean the following: While martyrdom is admirable, it is of no value to allow ourselves to be abused. Also, "love rejoices in the right." I believe that even love has its limits when it comes to being oppressed and dominated by another person. In my opinion there are times when the most loving thing to do is walk away from violence.

Secondly, it is difficult to love because love requires patience. Since we live in a fast-pace society we frequently get impatient with people who aren’t up to our speed. We have become a people who do not like to wait. We also have become a society where "instant gratification" has become the American way. We want what we want and we want it now! Consequently we don’t show love to others unless we can see some immediate results. If we can get anything we want in a very short period of time why would we want to wait on our investments of love?

This is perhaps one of the most difficult concepts to understand as believers. We want to reap what we sow rather than reap what others sow, or let others reap what we sow. The truth is, we do it all the time but we are not consciously aware of it. A couple of years ago, the congregation at my home church in Dayton, Ohio, burned the mortgage note on their sanctuary. About 35 years ago my father was the chairperson of the building committee and he helped to secure the mortgage to build the new sanctuary. But, when they finally paid it off my father was not present. He and my mother had retired and moved to Florida and joined another congregation. When I asked them if they felt badly about missing the event they told me that they were glad that others could reap the benefits of their labor years ago. That particular church is debt-free and continues to have an effective ministry in Dayton. My parents did, however receive a letter acknowledging their participation in the building of the sanctuary. My father said, "I can’t believe 30 years has passed, but it was worth the wait."

A third reason it is hard to love is because love requires compromise, yielding or letting go of power. In a society that encourages individualism and self sufficiency it is not easy for us to give and take. In fact, we seem to do a lot more taking than we do giving.

"If I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing." Real love is power that is shared. At Christmas time I watched my two young grandchildren as they opened their presents and played with their toys. One of my Christmas photos reveals a "not so sharing attitude" between the two as they interacted with each other’s gifts. That of course is natural for young children who have not yet learned to share. On the other hand we grown-ups know better. "When I was a child, a thought like a child….but when I became a man, I gave up my childish ways."

I am convinced that the world would be much greater if we would all share more. Not just our resources, but ourselves. It’s easy to give money and stuff. On the other hand, it is not very easy to give of ourselves. My wife would appreciate more of my time and attention. But, I am easily distracted, like so many other men, by what’s on television or things on my mind. This she rightfully finds frustrating. Unfortunately she feels powerless to make things different.

When we are consumed with our own agendas there is no sharing going on. "Love is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful.." To love is to be free and "other" focused rather than be not free and consumed with ourselves.

Recently we had a family dilemma. We purchased new end tables for our family room and my wife promised the old ones to one of our sons who lives in an apartment. At the same time I promised them to our other son, who owns his own home. I offered to purchase another set but after some discussion we determined that we could give away a second set we had that was in our bedroom. Therefore each son could receive a set of end tables. It is amazing how a little sacrificing and sharing gives everyone what they need.

We hold back our love because people hurt us. We hold back our love because we don’t like to wait on the results. We hold back our loved because we haven’t learned to share. At the same time we hear, "Love never ends." Love is an infinite resource that will always be within us. It is not something we have to earn. It is not something we have to acquire or purchase. Love is a never ending gift from God.

All this being said, there are times when we are unable to celebrate when love abides. It is so much easier to find fault with others or criticize. "Love does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right." Any form of negative behavior lifts up hate in the world rather than love. Gossip destroys. Criticism, put-downs, complaining keeps love at bay.

What matters most is our relationship with others. Negativity only breeds further negativity. To love is to be with God, for God and of God. To be unloving in any form is to be alienated from God. "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." "Love is a two-way street that provides a context of mutuality, understanding, and relatedness between each person and others, between God and believers." (from The New Interpreter’s Bible, Volume X, page 953)

Are you like the old man, pouring oil on the squeaky places in the world or are you ignoring them and attending to your own agenda? Are you greasing conversations with positive words of encouragement and uplifting comments or are you keeping them dry with negative responses? Are you sharing your oil to keep the lamps of others burning or are you storing it in the cellar for some distant emergency?

"Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood. So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love."

Dr. Keith Wagner, St. Paul’s United Church of Christ, Sidney, Ohio