"The Blame Game" - Exodus 17:1-7 - March 3, 2002

A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous specialist. "So who did you see before coming to me?" asked the doctor. "My General Practitioner," said the patient. "Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time. Tell me, what sort of useless advice did he give you?" The patient replied, "He told me to come and see you."

Blaming occurs wherever there is a group of people; in the work place, school, families, extra-curricular activities, even the church. Look at the Enron fiasco. No one is coming forth and accepting responsibility for the company’s failures. Instead, everyone is pointing the finger at someone else. Fox News has been titling this process, "The Blame Game." The executives are blaming the accountants. The accountants are blaming management. The government is blaming the companies’ board of directors. No one’s talking and no one is taking any ownership of the problem.

Those who point the finger at others tend not to have any solutions for the problems themselves. Those who find fault with another person want them to change since they fail to see themselves as part of the problem. Then there’s the person who wants things done "their way." If it isn’t they leave. Worse yet, they stay and make life miserable for everyone else.

In our couple’s group that meets on Wednesday evenings we have been discussing the book, "Relationship Rescue," by Dr. Phillip McGraw. The primary focus of his book is to get people to focus on themselves rather than their partner. McGraw states, "If you are able to change yourself, if you are able to create a different lifestyle and environment in which your relationship takes place, if you are able to regain your own power and reclaim your right to dignity and respect, then your partner is going to be seriously affected."

In other words, if we want to have better relationships with our partners and the significant people in our lives we need to work on our own problems and not blame others for relationships that have gone bad. Blaming is infectious. It spreads ill-will. Rather than solve problems it only makes things worse.

Its easy to talk about a corporation like Enron, that has nothing to do with us. But, when it happens a little closer to home, we tend to do the same thing. I had a good friend who was the senior pastor of a large church. When he told me he was going to resign he blamed the congregation for not sharing his vision for the future of the church. He wanted to leave but he wasn’t taking ownership of that desire. He left and took another position but he wanted it to be "their" fault, not his.

The Israelites were blaming Moses for their predicament. "Give us water to drink ... why did you bring us up out of Egypt, to kill us and our children and our cattle with thirst?" They wanted freedom and Moses was leading them to the promised land, but the journey was not without problems. Rather than take any responsibility for the choices they had made they shifted responsibility to Moses. It was all his fault. And since it was his fault it was up to him to fix it.

Since things weren’t getting better the Israelites they lost faith and felt that God had deserted them. This often happens with persons who feel they have no hope or have lost any control. But, Moses asked God for help. "What shall I do with these people? They are almost ready to stone me?" The people did more then blame Moses for their plight. They were ready to get rid of him. Their blaming was about to turn to violence. Unfortunately this is what happens when no one takes responsibility and they continually point the finger. Things get out of hand and before you know it someone gets hurt, or even killed.

In the past several weeks there have been several cases of domestic violence where rage and anger erupted and a spouse and/or children were killed. It all started with blame. In each case the situation escalated because no one was taking responsibility and making peace. Rarely in these cases do people ask for help. When they do it is usually too late.

Moses realized that the problem was bigger than him, so he asked God to intervene. God tells Moses to take his staff and strike the rock at Horeb. Moses followed God’s instructions and, although the story doesn’t tell us, we assume that water came from the rock for the people to drink.

The fact that God gave them water to drink is not the key element in this story. What is important is the words of Yahweh, "I will be standing there in front of you on the rock." The narrator of the story isn’t concerned with the miracle of producing water. God, after all, is capable of providing whatever resources we need. The narrator concludes the episode with these words of Moses; "And he called the place Massah and Meribah because the Israelites quarreled and because they tested the Lord saying, is the Lord among us or not?"

The story is slanted as a story of unfaith. It is not that Yahweh must demonstrate capacity for giving life; that is assumed. What is to be exhibited is not the power of God, but Israel’s inappropriate and remarkable lack of faith. In the context of the narrative account of wonders in Egypt, Israel should have known and trusted. (see The New Interpreter’s Bible, Volume I, page 818) In other words, their need to find fault or blame someone for their problems was evidenced by their lack of faith and unwillingness to trust God.

McGraw tells a story about Connie and Bill. Connie was insanely jealous and lived with the fear that Bill might be interested in other women. She would call him periodically during the work day to find out what he was doing. After being assured that he wasn’t spending his time flirting or hitting on women she would always end the conversation by saying, "You do love me, don’t you?"

Bill consistently and patiently reaffirmed his commitment and love for his wife. He denied the presence of women even if in fact they were flirting with him or vice-versa. This pattern continued for months and because their was such a lack of trust their relationship was being destroyed. Connie was totally consumed with Bill’s interest in other women and Bill became enslaved to phone calls, beepers and constant reassurances. They wanted it to stop but couldn’t since they lacked the faith and courage to take responsibility for making changes.

This can happen to any of us in any relationship. Being angry or constantly complaining about a problem will only make a situation worse. Nothing will change, however until we cease blaming others and take some responsibility for the problem and change ourselves. We can either stay self-centered and continue to blame everyone else or we can choose to work for change.

"The cure for complaining is to realize that in whatever situation we find ourselves, God is with us. To complain is to say, "God you’ve abandoned me. God, you’re gone and don’t care. In other words, such complaining denies the very nature of God as one who is, by definition, faithful to those he loves.""(Homiletics/March 2002, pg. 13)

As a leader (and person of faith), Moses listened to his critics. He didn’t discount their feelings or deny the fact that they were out of water. Moses realized the problem was bigger than him and therefore asked God for help. God is receptive to our feelings of despair. God hears our complaints. But notice that God did not solve the problem. God was present and used Moses as God’s agent. It was Moses who took the staff and struck the rock. It was through Moses that the Israelites had water to drink. It was faith (in Moses) that responded to the Israelites, (in this case, those who had no faith.) And faith remained since Moses, even after feeling helpless and vulnerable at one point, was ultimately faithful.

Dr. Keith Wagner, St. Paul’s United Church of Christ, Sidney, Ohio